Since Planking is fast becoming the most cult sport since, er… since, hmm… since the last cult sport, we thought that we would publish the TrollfesT Guide to Planking.
The following moves require skill and precision, and are performed by the super fit, athletic members of TrollfesT, so please ensure you do not try this on your own, at home, without supervision. OK, maybe not super fit. Maybe not even very athletic but anyway…
1) “THE NOVICE”
As its name suggests, this is the perfect move for the novice. The bench supports your entire body, and if you feel that keeping your legs straight is too strenuous you can start with your knees bent, and progress to straightening your legs once you have gained confidence. It is essential when performing this move, that someone with considerable strength holds the plank (as Trollmannen and Dr. Leif Kjønnsfleis are demonstrating) to avoid the danger of it tipping over . Note how heavy boots are being used in this shot. This makes holding the positioning even more difficult and is guaranteed to impress those amongst your audience with Shoe Fetishes.
2) “THE CHAIR”
Practitioners of Planking often overlook this move, and move straight on to the next one, but this is ideal to allow you to build more confidence in balancing both your legs and the top part of your torso. And your head of course, because your head is attached to the upper part of your torso. Chairs usually have a dip in them (especially if they have been used by heavy Trolls), and this gives you a little more stability than a straight surface. Having someone’s foot close by (as you can see in the foreground of the shot) is handy in case you start to roll off, because then they can nudge you back on with their toe. You can of course grip the leg of the chair, but someone is bound to notice and call you a wuss.
3) “THE CROSSWISE PLANK”
Some say this is the ultimate position in Planking (but you haven’t seen our next one yet). We have to admit that this is very difficult, as only a narrow portion of the body is supported, and it definitely helps to be built like that guy who plays Steve McGarrett on Hawaii Five-O. Nevertheless, as TrollBANK is demonstrating, you don’t need washboard abs to perform it successfully. You might like to ensure that your dangly bits are positioned comfortably to avoid them being crushed.
4) “THE COUCH POTATO”
Rarely practised by Plankers, the Couch Potato looks deceptively simple, but in fact it requires precision positioning of the beer belly so that it falls either side of the edge of the settee, otherwise there will be a tendency to wobble and result in tipping over. It is the danger of tipping over that makes this move so dangerous, as it can result in the squashing, and consequent injury, either by crushing or suffocation, of the lower planker. As you can see, Mr Seidel has positioned his beer belly to perfection.
Well that concludes our Guide to Planking. We hope you haven’t taken it too seriously, and if you are trying this out at home – be safe. To finish off, we have included our player so that you can enjoy some music while you Plank.
Web Site: http://www.trollfest.com
Band Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org